I’m afraid of so many silly things. I’m afraid of yellow curry. I’m afraid of my career. I’m afraid that that sharp twinge in my lower right quadrant is my appendix bursting. I was afraid of losing my revision when my house burned down, so I bought a fire-proof safe. Now I’m afraid of robbers, because when the robbers come, what’s the first thing they’re going to go for? That shiny new safe, of course. Duh.
I am tired of feeling like a scared little nobody. And so today’s post is going to be a celebration of things that DON’T SCARE ME!
Things That Don’t Scare Me
- Thunder, heights, spiders, mice, earthworms, and the vast majority of bugs DO NOT SCARE ME.
- Hard work does not scare me.
- Flying in small zippy airplanes does not scare me.
- Solitude does not scare me, and neither does silence.
- Spelling bees? Spelling bees do not scare me. I competed in the National Spelling Bee twice, thank you very much. My dad competed in the National Spelling Bee. My aunt competed in the National Spelling Bee. My uncle WON the National Spelling Bee. If I can’t spell it, I know someone who can. SO JUST BRING IT ON, YOU BASTARDS!!
- Fat (in food, in people, in me, in reality, in concept) does not scare me.
- The dentist does not scare me.
- Gray hairs, growing out of my head, signaling my deterioration, heralding my doom, do not scare me.
- Picking up a used surgical glove that I found behind the hospital and carrying it barehanded to the trash in order to protect the manatees in the river does not scare me. (I’m not saying I’m not dumb. Just not scared.) (I washed my hands after. Lots.)
- Tears do not scare me.
- I do not scare me.
What scares you? What doesn’t scare you?