Every once in a while, I watch the movies of a writer/director whose writing style is completely different from my own, and think about how funny it would be if that writer were to make my books into movies. For example, David Mamet.

Here’s the scene between Katsa and Po, when they’re arguing in Katsa’s rooms near the end of Part One after Katsa has had a Very Bad Conversation with Giddon (that was me trying not to be spoilery…):

KATSA: The thing is — how DARE you! How could you —
PO: I never — Katsa, I never — see, the thing is —
KATSA: But, see here now, listen, I’ve got to get downstairs. He’s calling me, you know he’s calling me.
PO: He’s — calling? But — what —
KATSA: It was terrible.
PO: Did you — no, you didn’t. Did you? Tell me —
KATSA: It was your idea! You said — you TOLD me!
PO: I’m not saying I said —
KATSA: Oh, what does it matter? The thing is, he’s calling, so what should I do, bring a knife?
PO: You think — a — what? A knife?
KATSA: Should I bring a f***ing knife?
PO: But — Katsa! A knife! No one can make you — Katsa!
KATSA: Should I? Tell me! Otherwise, how the hell —
PO: You keep —
KATSA: Oh, hell. Would you just go away?
PO: Would I just —
KATSA: Would you please, would you just go away?
PO: I’m not going away. I’m going to Monsea.
KATSA: You’re going —
PO: I’m going. To Monsea.
KATSA: Oh.
PO: I’m going —
KATSA: I’m sad.
PO: You’re sad?
KATSA: I’m sad. Oh, hell. You’re going to Monsea? Oh, hell. I’m f***ing sad.

Quite possibly, that only amused me and, like, three other people in the entire world. My apologies to everyone else. Here are some movies I recommend, most of which Mamet directed and all of which he fabulously wrote: The Spanish Prisoner; State and Main; The Winslow Boy (from Terence Rattigan’s play). And one of my all time favorite movies: Glengarry Glen Ross, directed by James Foley and fabulously acted by Al Pacino, Jack Lemmon, Alan Arkin, Ed Harris, and Kevin Spacey. (Those of you who know the movie may be thinking, “And Alec Baldwin!” I can’t deny he did a great job. But for some reason, I never liked that scene. I don’t know why. It never felt like it fit into the movie, IMHO.)

Unrelatedly: Did you hear that Hogwarts finally got Internet access? (H/t, Sam!)

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Here’s the information for my event at the Lozano Branch of the Chicago Public Library:
Date: Wed. October 27, 2010
Time: 1:00 pm – 2:30 pm
Location: Lozano, 1805 S. Loomis Street, Chicago, IL 60608
I’ll read from my work, blather a bit, do a Q&A, and sign any books you bring along. Here’s a link with more info.