Me: Guys! I sprained my ass on the flying trapeze. Now I’m sitting on a cold compress.
Becca: I read “cold compress” as “golden compass” and was considerably puzzled.
2. The following is an email exchange between Mike and me.
Me: I love Peeta like crazy, but I have to be honest: I don’t love his name. Especially since he’s the baker’s son.
Mike: I agree. It’s a little like naming your kid Phlatbred.
3. The following is (another) email exchange between Becca, Amanda, Jess, and me.
Becca: I saw a bunny in my parking lot yesterday.
Me: A bunny! You remind me that I saw three bunnies in the business school the other day.
Becca: I wonder what business they plan to go into when they graduate.
Me: Garden vegetable retrieval?
Me: There was also this guy walking along, and a bunny crossed his path, and he barely even glanced at it. Then this buxom young lady crossed his path, and he watched every inch of her, every step of the way. I concluded he has no soul. Only a penis.
Becca: That strikes me as a very reasonable conclusion.
Me: Seriously, what kind of guy doesn’t watch a bunny?
Jess: Maybe the business bunnies will capitalize on the current vampire craze. It is in their blood.
Me: Oh, good point. And I thought of another good profession for bunnies: aeronaut. Get it?
Becca: HESTER! I heart Hester. And Lee.
Becca: Oh, sorry guys. I should have just said I got it and then given other people a chance to get it. I was overpowered by thinking of Hester.
Me: Don’t worry. I also like to scream HESTER! on occasion.
Jess: Yes, I believe this is a universal condition.
Amanda: I miss the days of Bunnicula. I’m reviewing a vampire book. I’m trying to express that the vampires are flat characters, and so I just typed something about the vampires not sparkling, and then obviously, I had to delete that. Then I called them “lifeless,” but had to delete that, because of course they’re lifeless! They’re vampires!
Jess, Becca, and Me: *widespread giggling at the non-sparkly, lifeless vampires*
Me: Guys, I was just in the business school again and there were no fewer than 14 bunnies! One of them was enormous, more like (dare I say it?) a jackrabbit. Do you think something is afoot?
Jess: This makes me think of the book Tuesday. Except bunnies (+ 1 jackrabbit), not frogs. And except Thursday, not Tuesday.
Garden vegetable retrieval.
Bunnies and vampirism.
Hester and Lee Scoresby, aeronauts. And, their further adventures. Note: Hester is not actually a jackrabbit, though she and Lee believe her to be one at first. She is an Arctic hare!
Vampires that sparkle.
(Just for the record, vampires that don’t.)
The book Tuesday.
(With thanks to my friends, for being so much fun — and letting me exploit it on my blog.)